Top Secret Operation
Written by: 0-T on Sept 23rd, 2003
Outside of Baseline Studios, after spending 2 hours talking with security, they finally let in Ant One, after he bribes them with his car, the $71 dollars in his wallet, and convinces his 43 year old girlfriend to give two of the men head.
Ant: I love you baby. I promise I'll make it up to you later!
Bitch: Whatever. We're through... I can't believe you wanna meet Jay-Z this badly. You fucking groupie.
Ant: I told you baby, I'm an insider!
Security: If this old bitch ain't on point with the brains, we beatin your ass when you come out.
Ant: *looks at his girl, hopeful*
Bitch: *ice grill*
*Ant runs into the studio*
Ant: Ayo Jay--
*13 men pull guns on young Ant One*
Dame: Who the fuck are you whiteboy?
Ant: I'm Anthony P-- err, Ant One.
Ant: You must have heard of me. I write for MVRemix.com
Ant: I used to manage Apathy for a couple weeks... back in '99-2000.
Dame: *pauses, looks at henchman* get rid of him
Ant: WAIT! I handed Little Brother's demo to ABB!
*henchmen grab Ant and start to drag him out*
Ant: I HAVE INFORMATION REGARDING JAY-Z' NEW TOP SECRET PROJECT!!!
Dame: Hold up... ayo Jay? Lemme holla at you for a sec..
* Jay-Z steps out of the booth*
Ant: Hello Mr. Carter *bows down* I love your--
Dame: Shut up.
Dame: Ayo Jay, you know this dude? Says his name's An'twan
Ant: Ant ONE
Dame: Shut the fuck up.
Ant: An'twan is fine
Dame: SHUT UP. Jay, you know this fool?
Jay: *mumbles, not making eye contact with anyone*
Dame: You heard him.. what do you want?
Ant: uh...I have some news about your recent collaboration with 9th Wonder.
Ant: I'm sorry... I tried my best to keep the top secret project under wraps, but the info got leaked early. I sent some angry message board posts to the people behind it.
Ant: Yeah, you and 9th.. your secret collabo...
Ant: Stupid fucking internet kids, I swear. They have no appreciation or understanding for the game like we do.
Ant: Bunch of internet white boys...
Jay: *mumbles* ain't you white
Dame: And you said you wrote for an internet website.
Ant: I'm sayin yo... knahmean... *makes rap movements with his hands*
Dame: Did you just start trying to act black?
Ant: .......Ain't nothin but some nerds on them sites Jay. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
*Jay and Dame turn away from Ant*
Jay: Why do they call it a internet street team? That's an oxymoron, right? This cat couldn't promote weed on the streets.
Dame: Speakin of the net, I get these allhiphop alerts forwarded to my 2-way, right?
Dame: I got one the other day... It said "Buy Obie Trice's album for a Chance to Hang with Eminem"
Jay: uh huh?
Dame: But when I looked at it, I thought it said "Chance to Hang Glide with 'Em"
Dame: It looks just like that, swear to God. I thought you sent it!
Jay: Hang Glide with 'em!
Young Chris: Hang Gliiiide wit 'em
Ant: *confused* I don't get it
Young Chris: inside joke faggot
Dame: *points finger up in the air* HANG glide with 'em
Jay: Haaaang glide with 'em!
Ant: HAHAHA I get it. HANG GLIDE WITH HIM!
Jay and Dame: ....
Ant: ...hang gli.. *goes to high five Young Chris*
Dame: Why the FUCK are you still here, Twan?
Ant: ...what should we do about this info being leaked so early?
Dame: Listen you fucking groupie! That shit ain't no secret... if it was, your bitch ass woulda NEVER heard about it.
Ant: I'm an insi--
Dame: If I have to tell you to shut up again, you're gonna get accidentally shot... you can be on the next allhiphop alert.
Ant: *gets excited*
*Young Chris slaps the shit outta Ant for no reason*
Dame: I know you don't even realize it, but you're a male groupie. You hang around managers, friends of friends of people in the industry, and every time somebody takes your call you think you're making moves in the game. You don't rap. You don't make beats. You don't own a label or any clubs. If you knew a bitch that acted like you, you'd call her a groupie. That's what the fuck you are Twan.
Young Chris: *dyin laughin* My solo album droppin next year Twan. Won' promote me faggot?
Ant: *makes face somewhere between horror and sadness*
Dame: Nobody cares the shit got leaked but you, cause knowin that kinda shit is the only thing that makes you feel special. Once it's out, you have no reason to fucking live any--
Ant: but I--
Dame: *looks over to henchmen*
Dame: Now go home and work on your urban expressions. If I see you anywhere near here again, I'm gonna plant some shit on you and have you arrested for tryin to sell drugs to my artists. You can spend some time in the fed and be an insider forreal.
*Ant walks outside, notices two of the security guards gone, but hears some loud slurping*
Ant: Baby?... baby is that you?
Ant: I gave my car and all my money to the security people... you think I could borrow a couple bucks to get home baby?
Random voice: SHUT THE FUCK UP! she tryin to concentrate