Written by: 0-T on Feb 21st, 2003
*** On the S Dot yacht, somewhere in the Caribbean ***
Beanie Sigel: Don't tell me you lost it.
Bleek: I had it on me this morning, I know I did!
Beanie: Jay is gonna throw you OFF this mother fucker
Bleek: Shit... shit... shit... *walks in circles, confused*
Beanie: How you lose a million dollar wedding ring?
Bleek: SSHHHH... keep your voice down nigga!
Beanie: *chuckles* Nigga you dead.
Bleek: Fuck, I gotta think... THINK Bleek think... if I was a million dollar wedding ring, where would I be?
Beanie: In a ring box, prick... same as any other ring.
Bleek: I lost the ring box too nigga!
Beanie: I'm fuckin with you nigga. Calm down.
Bleek: Man, I don't have time for--
Beanie: So how does it feel?
Bleek: How does what feel?
Beanie: Being dead
Bleek: SHUT UP!
Bleek: Fuck, I gotta come up with somethin...
*** Jay-Z & Mr. Knowles play poker in the gaming room ***
Jay: *puffs cigar* So you don't mind your daughter marrying a player?
Mr. Knowles: Not at all, I wouldn't expect nothin less. Women always look for a man just like their pops.
Jay: Oh, you were a old school player, huh?
Mr. Knowles: Yeah, whatchu know about the old school, youngin?
Jay: Well, actually I'm almost 40 years old.
Mr. Knowles: No shit? Damn, we coulda rolled together back in the day.
Mr. Knowles: Why does he keep shouting that out the blue?
Jay: So Matt, tell me about B as a kid.
Mr. Knowles: She was a born star... you couldn't tell her nothin. You got your job cut out for you, young scrapper.
Jay: I'ma hold it down.
Mr. Knowles: Okay, can we switch seats? He's startin to scare me.
*** On-board jewelry store ***
Bleek: Good thing this boat has an on-board jewelry store.
Beanie Sigel: Nigga, you gon buy a million dollar ring?
Bleek: I ain't tryin to get thrown off a boat, ya heard
Beanie: Where you gon get a million dollars?
Bleek: I'm glad you asked... *looks down* See I was wondering if... if it wasn't too much trouble... maybe... I mean I know the State Property gear is jumpin off... and you brilliant for pullin that shit off.. it's hot... forreal.. um... I was hopin that maybe... maybe if you had a lil somethin... maybe you could spot me. You know I'm good for it *looks up*
( Beanie Sigel is nowhere to be found)
Bleek: Beans? *looks around* Beanie??
Jacob the Jewler: Hi, can I help you?
Bleek: Um, yeah... I'm lookin for a wedding ring.
Jacob the Jewler: Congratulations.
Bleek: Nah man, I'm not gettin married. It's for Jay... I need to get the exact ring he got from you last week.
Jacob the Jewler: Oh my... did you lose it?
Bleek: That's not important. Look I need--
Jacob the Jewler: HAHAHA What kind of Smeagol loses a million dollar ring? HAHAHA
Bleek: Why do people keep calling me that? What the fuck is a Shmegal?
Jacob the Jewler: Nevermind. Look my friend, you are in luck. I have one more of those rings left.
Bleek: *sigh* Thank you God!
Jacob the Jewler: It's on sale for 2.5 million.
Jacob the Jewler: 2.5
Bleek: It was a million like 3 days ago.
Jacob the Jewler: Supply and demand.
Bleek: Man... c'mon Jacob. Don't do this to me man. You know the Roc does you good... we put your kids through college man. Hook me up.
Jacob the Jewler: No, Dame put my kids through college. You ask for free, used chains with other people's names on them every time I see you.
Bleek: Come on man! Shaq didn't buy the shit.. you coulda gave me that piece. Who gonna buy a big ass Twism chain?
Jacob the Jewler: 2.5 my friend.
Bleek: Fuck... aight, but I ain't got it on me. Can I put up my house, car.. um... my momma's crib... and the rest on credit?
Jacob the Jewler: *draws up the papers*
*** The next day... ***
Jay: *fixes collar on Roc-A-Tux* How I look?
Dame: Like a camel in a Tux.
Jay: C'mon nigga, this my big day.
Dame: You look sharp nigga. HOLLA!
Jay: Aight nigga... LET'S DO THIS!
--- Half Hour Later ---
Roc-A-Priest: What up niggas! We're gathered here today... for some truly gangsta shit! *throws up the Roc*
Roc-A-Priest: This is a monumentus occasion right here. Sean Carter aka Jay-Z aka Jigga aka Young Hova aka Big Homie... whatever he's going by today...
Jay: Notorious J.A.Y.
Roc-A-Priest: ... Okay... Today, Notorious J.A.Y. is putting his pimp hand back in the holster, and hanging it up for good. He's finally settling down with none other than Ms. Beyonce Knowles.
Beyonce: *holding the same photo-ready grin for 72 hours straight*
Roc-A-Priest: If anyone here got beef, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Beans: We forever holdin our piece anyway, Rev! *reaches hand in jacket*
Bleek: HAHA Yeah, til death do us part! ... get it?
Crowd: *dead silent*
Roc-A-Priest: Um... okay. Does anyone have the ring?
Bleek: *walks up and pulls out 2.5 million dollar ring*
Jay and Dame: *look at each other and laugh*
Dame: *pulls ring out his pocket and hands it to Jay*
Bleek: WHAT THE FUCK?? Where do you get that??
Dame: I've had it since he bought it.
Bleek: What the fuck was in the ring box you gave me?
Dame: I dunno, a cereal toy I think.
Dame: You lost it didn't you?
Dame: You lost the cereal toy, so you went and bought a million dollar ring, didn't you?
Bleek: 2.5 million
Jay and Dame: *look over to Jacob the Jewler*
Jacob the Jewler: *shrug* holler.
Beyonce: *photo-ready grin*
Bleek: Wait... you put me through all that shit and you didn't even give me a real ring?
Jay: Fuck I look like trusting you with a ring nigga?? If I was your Burger King manager, I wouldn't put you in charge of onion rings.
Bleek: *looks around nervous* You said you wouldn't mention that Burger King shit, Jay. I do whatever to make ends meet. I ain't shame.
Jay: Oh really? Ay, everybody can I have your attention... you're lookin at BK's finest! That's right, Bleek here was employee of the month at Burger King.
Crowd: *bursts into laughter*
Bleek: That's IT! I ain't standin for this shit anymore.
Jay: *offers Bleek a chair*
Bleek: Fuck you nigga! Fuck the ROC! Nas murdered you and everyone knows it... Em murdered you on your own shit! You look like a camel... fuck you! I sold my mom's house nigga! Don't come cryin to me when this bitch leaves you for a ball player.
Crowd: *dead silent*
Jay: *looks at Beanie Sigel*
--- an hour later ---
Crowd: *eating cake, dancing to Roc music*
Jay: I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you... or til you get fat.. whichever comes first.
Beyonce: *photo-ready grin*
Dame: Yo Jay, you want some cake?
Jay: Nah, I feel like a whopper with cheese.
Dame: *shouts overboard* Hey, you ready to come back on board and fix us some cheeseburgers nigga?
Bleek: *butt-naked, holdin on to a rope* Yeah
Dame: What? I can't hear you?
Bleek: YEAH NIGGA!
Dame: *puts hand to ear* What was that?
Bleek: YES SIR. I'M READY TO COME SERVE Y'ALL BURGERS!
Dame: Can I have it my way?
Bleek: YES! YOU CAN HAVE IT YOUR WAY!
Dame: Can I get free cheese?
Bleek: C'mon man, you know cheese is a extra 19 cents!
Dame: Aight then... I'll holla at you in another hour. *walks away from edge of the boat*
Bleek: C'mon Dame, pull me up! HOLLA!!