Vol.1: The Wash
Written by: 0-T on June 29th, 2002
In the midst of the Nas/Jay rivalry, Suge sides with Nas. He heads to a club where Jay is expected to show, unbeknownst to Jay.
Dame: Ay, you feel like hittin up this club tonight?
Jay: Eh, I just went to the club last night... I got 2 interviews tomorrow.
Dame: You gettin old, man.
Jay: Nah, I just gotta make sure my interviews are hotta!
Dame: Aight, we'll stay in. I'll tell Bleek not to wash the 6.
Jay: .... nah, make him wash it anyway. He needs to earn his keep.
Jay: *throws up the Roc*
Suge: That nigga Jay ain't show cause I'm here!! He shook!!
Kurupt: May I go to the bathroom, sir?
Suge: Nigga, what did I tell you would happen if you let go of your Death Row chain one more time?
Kurupt: C'mon, I look stupid walking around holding a---
Suge: *looks at Kurupt*
Kurupt: *holds up chain* Death Row for Life.
Bleek: We gotta have this ride clean by 9 o'clock. Hand me the bucket, Lil' Chris.
Sparks: For the last time, I'm Sparks! That's Lil' Chris over there.
Oskino: Nah nigga, I'm Oskino. Lil' Chris is sleep.
Sparks: Oh, my bad.
Bleek: Damn, you niggas can't even tell yourselves apart. How you expect me to?
Oskino: Nigga, we State Property. We sold more than both your albums combined.
Bleek: Bitch I told you, my street team fucked over me.
Sparks: Yeah, they shoulda put Jay-Z's face on the cover of your samplers.
Sparks: Nigga, how you gonna let Beans, Free, and Cam move ahead of you on a label you been down with since day one?
Bleek: BITCH, I'LL F--
Dame: hey, what's all this noise out here? Less talkin, more cleaning.
Bleek, Sparks, and Oskino: Okay Dame.
Dame: Bleek, I told you to call me Mr. Dash.
Bleek: But they just called you--
Dame: State Property are assistant executives now. They can call me Dame.
Bleek: WHAT??? Nigga I--
Bleek: SHUT UP OSKINO!
Bleek: *Looks real nervous*
Jay: All I wanna know is who
Sparks: Bleek did it, Jay!
Bleek: BITCH! I didn't even wash that side!
Jay: Bleek, what'd I tell you about my doors?
Bleek: I know... wax on, wax off *does Karate Kid motion* I was doin that
Jay: Then how'd this scratch get on my door, Bleek?
Bleek: C'mon Jay--
Jay: Mr. Carter.
Bleek: I'm sorry... Mr. Carter... as I said, I didn't wash that side of the car.
Oskino: He lyin Jay! He did that whole side.. he wasn't watchin what he was doin. I saw him when he scratched it!
Bleek: Nigga, if you was watchin what you was doin, how the fuck did you see when I scratched it?
Jay: So you did scratch it
Bleek: I mean.. no-- I mean, he didn't see me not scratch it... cause I didn't.
Bleek: Nigga, your grill is busted. FUCK YOU!
Jay: Bleek, you disappoint me.
Bleek: Aw c'mon Ja- Mr. Carter.
Jay: I ask you to do this one simple thing, and you can't even do that right. I tried to give you an indoor job, and you fucked my carpet all up.
Bleek: Man, them corners is tricky!
Jay: Enough... give me the keys to your ride.
Bleek: But that's mine! I had that before I even met you.
Jay: *reaches out hand*
Bleek: but.. but... you won't even drive my car. What you need it for??
Jay: The keys, nigga.
Bleek: *hands Jay-Z his car keys*
Jay: (looking at Oskino) Hey, Sparks
Oskino: Yes Jay?
Jay: Sparks, take the keys. *throws them to Oskino*
Oskino: I'm not old enough to drive yet.
Jay: No, I want you to drag the keys along the side of Bleek's ride.
Bleek: Aw c'mon man. That's my only ride man.
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